Fingers across the keyboard

Dear Friends,

This is a follow-up to my last post on Sept. 19th, and I’m typing as thoughts pour out, so this is more raw than edited. As you may remember, I’ve had a medical issue that landed me in the hospital over a month ago, and I’ve been anticipating a procedure that hopefully would’ve brought answers. Well, the procedure was last Thursday, an ERCP. It’s where a tube passes through the mouth, esophagus, and stomach into the first part of the small intestine. Then a catheter goes into the bile duct to detect causes for high liver enzymes (all non-alcoholic related), severe abdominal pain and jaundice. The doctor injects a dye so that x-rays can be taken of the biliary ducts. I’ve provided an image below if you’re interested. 

Image result for bile duct and liver anatomy

Surprisingly, the doctor (a bile duct expert) couldn’t get the instrument all the way down, in fact, barely down at all because my common bile duct is so scarred. I’ll spare the gory details, but long story short, it was incomplete. This means I have to repeat it next month. Honestly, when he spoke to my husband and I after I had been in recovery and I found this out, I felt depressed. I felt my shoulders drop, knowing, first of all, that I still have no answers, secondly, he still can’t rule out some scary diseases (one of which my daughter has), and thirdly, I have to do this procedure again. 

Everyone was so nice, though, and I’m grateful for an awesome team of doctors – doctors who we know because of our daughter’s experiences. And my doctor was genuinely disappointed with the turnout. But he’s also performed enough of these that he knew when to stop trying before causing complications. I thank him for that.

So, the symptoms I’ve had can be caused by gallstones in the bile duct (gallbladder is out), Primary Schlerosing Cholangitis (PSC, the auto immune disease my daughter has), or Bile Duct Cancer. I admit to being scared and have had some emotional moments. I hope it’s just stones, which are dangerous alone. Any of these causes affect the liver because if bile isn’t taken from the liver through the bile duct into the small intestine, the liver then becomes “sick” and begins to fail. Liver failure is fatal. For PSC, the only cure is a liver transplant, which is what we’re anticipating for our daughter in the future – a future that holds so many uncertainties. 

So why I am blogging about this? I don’t know. Maybe part is to bring awareness to the bile duct and how rare some medical issues can be involving it. Until our daughter was diagnosed, I didn’t give the bile duct a second thought. Nor my liver because I’ve never been a big drinker. This whole thing has been surreal – the fact that I’m experiencing everything similar to my daughter’s symptoms. She doesn’t drink alcohol at all, so it’s just an auto-immune disease that chose her. Ask anyone who knows me..I’m a lightweight when it comes to drinking. So, it’s all a case of being unlucky just like those who are diagnosed with cancer or some other horrible disease.

The upside to sharing what I’ve been undergoing is that in spite of the continued anticipation, the unpleasantries of another ERCP, or fear of the unknown and known, for that matter, life goes on. I feel better physically, although my throat still hurts, but it’s better than yesterday and the day before that. My mindset is healthier, and that doesn’t mean I’m not realistic either. The outcome will be good news or it will be daunting news. Regardless, I want answers. I want to know what’s going on inside me. However, I’m not trying to burden you by posting about this. Maybe what I’m going through will resonate with someone and be of some help even in a small way.

Selfishly, though, I ask for your ongoing positive thoughts and prayers. And I thank you for reading this longer-than-planned post. 🙂

Image result for moving forward

Moving forward with hope in my heart and love for my family and friends who have provided tremendous support. Lauren xoxo
p.s. The title of this post is credited to my son.
p.s.s. Both images are from Google.

Flawed

bridge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took some strength 
to part the heavy curtains
of manipulated visions
and clouded thoughts
of the duo in my head,
how ridiculous I’ve been

My heart soon would be
placed in the warmth
of your hands
but this central part of me
felt the chill instead and
before my head went under,
I realized your true colors

Lauren Scott © 2015 
Poem and Photo

The Answer

You’ve been missing
for some time now
I wonder if you’ll ever
show your lovely face.

I’ve looked for you
in nooks 
and crannies,
in cupboards 
occupied by
glassware and 
plates.

I’ve lifted the rugs
lying in my hallway

and peeked in the linen
closet, just to be sure.

Perhaps you’re hiding
in the bathtub, a sneaky
spot to stay and a Psycho
scene reversed.

One last place I thought
to check, glancing under
the bed…the only thing that
stared me back were the dust
bunnies playing dead.

Now I fear my time has
been nothing but a waste,
for whether you arrive or not
I’ll greet each new day with Faith.

Lauren Scott © 2013

FINDING INNER STRENGTH (re-post)

persevere

It’s finally time to SHOUT
“Enough is Enough”
To dust off shields of armor
and flip the switch to “tough”

With every step in each new day
it’s too easy to fret and worry
Wasting a God given moment
instead of cheering in His glory

Toss those words and thoughts
that surely weigh us down
A lighter load will bring us smiles
and erase those dreadful frowns

So, arm in arm, let’s move forward
for strength in perseverance
Do not relent to downward slips
Ignore the interference!

© LScott 2012

Photo: Google images
Original post on 7/18/12
I hope this brings you strength
in whatever you’re going through in life.

New Beginnings

Turn the pages from the past
Put your worries in last place
In those fretting times
where hope has vanished

search for a caring embrace

Use a shoulder if it’s offered
when tears begin to fall
They’re not a sign of weakness
but a cleansing of the soul

Take advantage of the sunshine
warming your spirit with it’s rays
  and even when the clouds are rolling
there’s always reason for praise

Faith, Love and Strength
follow Hope in each new day
and with each precious baby step
You will find your way

© LScott 2013

This is dedicated to my family
and anyone who needs a “small helping”
of inspiration.