Fingers across the keyboard

Dear Friends,

This is a follow-up to my last post on Sept. 19th, and I’m typing as thoughts pour out, so this is more raw than edited. As you may remember, I’ve had a medical issue that landed me in the hospital over a month ago, and I’ve been anticipating a procedure that hopefully would’ve brought answers. Well, the procedure was last Thursday, an ERCP. It’s where a tube passes through the mouth, esophagus, and stomach into the first part of the small intestine. Then a catheter goes into the bile duct to detect causes for high liver enzymes (all non-alcoholic related), severe abdominal pain and jaundice. The doctor injects a dye so that x-rays can be taken of the biliary ducts. I’ve provided an image below if you’re interested. 

Image result for bile duct and liver anatomy

Surprisingly, the doctor (a bile duct expert) couldn’t get the instrument all the way down, in fact, barely down at all because my common bile duct is so scarred. I’ll spare the gory details, but long story short, it was incomplete. This means I have to repeat it next month. Honestly, when he spoke to my husband and I after I had been in recovery and I found this out, I felt depressed. I felt my shoulders drop, knowing, first of all, that I still have no answers, secondly, he still can’t rule out some scary diseases (one of which my daughter has), and thirdly, I have to do this procedure again. 

Everyone was so nice, though, and I’m grateful for an awesome team of doctors – doctors who we know because of our daughter’s experiences. And my doctor was genuinely disappointed with the turnout. But he’s also performed enough of these that he knew when to stop trying before causing complications. I thank him for that.

So, the symptoms I’ve had can be caused by gallstones in the bile duct (gallbladder is out), Primary Schlerosing Cholangitis (PSC, the auto immune disease my daughter has), or Bile Duct Cancer. I admit to being scared and have had some emotional moments. I hope it’s just stones, which are dangerous alone. Any of these causes affect the liver because if bile isn’t taken from the liver through the bile duct into the small intestine, the liver then becomes “sick” and begins to fail. Liver failure is fatal. For PSC, the only cure is a liver transplant, which is what we’re anticipating for our daughter in the future – a future that holds so many uncertainties. 

So why I am blogging about this? I don’t know. Maybe part is to bring awareness to the bile duct and how rare some medical issues can be involving it. Until our daughter was diagnosed, I didn’t give the bile duct a second thought. Nor my liver because I’ve never been a big drinker. This whole thing has been surreal – the fact that I’m experiencing everything similar to my daughter’s symptoms. She doesn’t drink alcohol at all, so it’s just an auto-immune disease that chose her. Ask anyone who knows me..I’m a lightweight when it comes to drinking. So, it’s all a case of being unlucky just like those who are diagnosed with cancer or some other horrible disease.

The upside to sharing what I’ve been undergoing is that in spite of the continued anticipation, the unpleasantries of another ERCP, or fear of the unknown and known, for that matter, life goes on. I feel better physically, although my throat still hurts, but it’s better than yesterday and the day before that. My mindset is healthier, and that doesn’t mean I’m not realistic either. The outcome will be good news or it will be daunting news. Regardless, I want answers. I want to know what’s going on inside me. However, I’m not trying to burden you by posting about this. Maybe what I’m going through will resonate with someone and be of some help even in a small way.

Selfishly, though, I ask for your ongoing positive thoughts and prayers. And I thank you for reading this longer-than-planned post. 🙂

Image result for moving forward

Moving forward with hope in my heart and love for my family and friends who have provided tremendous support. Lauren xoxo
p.s. The title of this post is credited to my son.
p.s.s. Both images are from Google.

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A Trio of Sorts

An icy gust shadowed him
around the corner,
grazing his earlobe and
sending chills across the way
His Italian wool threads
exuded perfection
even as he slid into leather –
heading for someplace
he labeled important

Then birdsong matched
her mood and with her cell
on speaker,
passersby became privileged
Her long coat sufficed,
but she tightened the belt
as the gust wrapped itself
around her like a python
When the hailed driver
met the curb,
she smugly skimmed
over the back seat
until satisfaction found her –
phone chat uninterrupted

And across the way,
huddled against the
weathered building,
he imagined a handful
of warmth
yielded from his worn beanie
and threadbare coat –
layers of blankets
occupied his dreams
No complaints fell
from his chattering teeth
Instead, his eyes were alert
and his mind formulated wishes

Lauren Scott © 2018
(re-write)

 

 

The Face of Happiness

sunflowers to be 2018

My last post on the topic of mass shootings was depressing, although 
another chance to bring awareness to this frequented tragic issue in our country.
However, I thought it was time for a more hopeful topic. So, this photo shows
sunflowers-to-be! Yes, sunflowers growing from seeds (one of three pots), and
watching them sprout evokes feelings of awe and wonder – awakening
excitement and promise of tomorrow and of new life.

After they grow to around 12″, we’ll transplant them in the ground. We’ve 
also planted some seeds around the yard and are enjoying watching those
sprout up, too. We have a garden area in front of the house that might be
a good place for transplanting these – for tall, happy sunflowers greeting
all who stroll by. The trouble is that we have deer wandering around all
the time. So, we’d have to put some kind of wire fence around them. Other-

wise, we’d be providing lunch for the dear deer. 🙂

Anyway, below are some quotes I found online…

“All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.”
~ Chinese Proverb

“The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt,
covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light.”
~ Anonymous

“The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success.”
~Paramahansa Yogananda

“The earth laughs in flowers.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunflowers are happy flowers. They exude joy and friendliness, don’t you think? Fingers are crossed and with our love and care, we pray these seeds will grow to their full potential. I’ll keep you posted, and I hope you enjoyed this splash of hope and inspiration. xoxo

sunflowers

(Goal in sight) 🙂

 

Presence of Mind

The window’s blinds remain closed
closed as folks stroll by, oblivious
oblivious to the darkness
darkness deeper than sight, though
though, sight alone suggests flickering
flickering of a hope so minute
minute enough to miss its presence
presence of mind to see its strength
strength required to step forward
forward at a time of endless challenges
challenges with painful, steady grips
grips leaving no room for faith
faith, however, lies within that flicker of hope

Lauren Scott © 2018

 

The Teacher

daffodil

Its canary boldness
rises up to the sun
alone, yet not lonely,
fearing nothing,
but wearing bravery
on each petal –
standing tall with
strength in lean
green attire, as if
soaking up the day’s
endless possibilities

Lauren Scott © 2018
(Inspired by a lone daffodil
in our yard.)

 

Onward

candle

Everywhere, affecting our senses
We’re subjected to horror never-ending
How much more can our souls ache?
How much more can our hearts break?

Should we succumb to defeat that we feel?
Throw in the towel with arms in the air?
Are they winners again because we allow, 
Or is perseverance what it’s all about?

Let’s not restrict our minds to the darkness
Instead, dare to dream with eyes wide open
Envision the world we desire to see
Surround ourselves with the light we need

light+and+hope

Lauren Scott © 2018
Photos courtesy of Google
(In view of the frequent negativity all around the world,
here is some Light to carry with you today.) ❤

A New Year Already?

new year

Does time fly by at faster speeds each year? It sure seems like it. Are your thoughts similar? Well, now that we know a new year is just around the corner, have you made a list of resolutions?

A few days ago, I reminisced about this year and all its glories and sorrows. Resolutions, for me, are a thing of the past. However, I have completed some goals that were set in the beginning of this year (patting myself on the back). I like to create new goals rather than resolutions. So, this began the wheels turning and the goal list for 2018 has commenced!

Here is some wisdom from the author, Kirsten Sevig:

“I decided to measure success in happiness, progress, wisdom, accumulating rejection and failure, resilience and determination, pride in my work, confidence, and comparing only to myself instead of to others.” 

What great wisdom this is because how many measure success in dollar signs only? How many compare their accomplishments to others’ successes and easily beat themselves up for not achieving as much? I hope this wisdom enlightens your visions of the New Year! And even though we’ve read similar encouragement before, this affords us another chance to make our lives what we want them to be. 

Below is an old poem I wrote for New Year’s that I hope you enjoy again or for the first time.

There were…
High points to this year
Low points to bear
Tears to dry
from reasons to cry
Lessons to learn by
Adventures to try
Demons to fight
Wrongs to right
Resolutions completed
Some deleted
But looking back
we see impact
Another year of living
The gift of existing
Accelerate in high gear
No invite for fear
Pour the bubbles
Forget your troubles
Clink and Chime
Celebrate Big Time!

Lauren Scott ©

new year 2018

 

WISHING YOU ALL A SAFE & HAPPY NEW YEAR’S CELEBRATION,
AND A 2018 THAT IS BETTER THAN THIS YEAR – MORE PROSPEROUS, BETTER HEALTH, AND MUCH HAPPIER, AND MORE LOVE-FILLED, TOO! 

~LAUREN 🎉🎊🎇🎆✨❤