The Right Attitude

No-fear-Image

One of my new dear friends, Debby, from https://dgkayewriter.com/, wrote this to me regarding my last health update and it stuck…

“We get what we focus on, so don’t make it fear!”
~DG Kaye

This message isn’t new, but it’s so easy to allow fear to slip into our thoughts. It affects not only our reactions to stressful times, but it also affects us physically, causing anxiety and even some unwanted aches and pains. So, this was a timely reminder for me, even though I’m not truly living in fear. However, I am inviting Optimism for a long stay, and if you’re dealing with stress in any form, will you join me in this attitude adjustment? I hope you will, and Thanks, Debby! 💕

hope

And lastly, I’d like to wish you all a Fabulous Friday, and a Wonderful Weekend ahead. With love, Lauren ❤❤❤

Photos: Google

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Belonging

Do you trust me? Will you
take my hand and let me
lead the way to a place
transcending the boundaries
of our reality? Let us get
lost in the tranquility –
dancing to the majesty of
the surroundings, feeling the
rhythm vibrate through our
bones. For as long as our
hearts desire, this is our
destination. For time is
but a memory. Its existence
leaves no trace on the path
where we tread. There is
only you, me, and the
intensity of our belonging
to each other.

Lauren Scott © 2018

Fingers across the keyboard

Dear Friends,

This is a follow-up to my last post on Sept. 19th, and I’m typing as thoughts pour out, so this is more raw than edited. As you may remember, I’ve had a medical issue that landed me in the hospital over a month ago, and I’ve been anticipating a procedure that hopefully would’ve brought answers. Well, the procedure was last Thursday, an ERCP. It’s where a tube passes through the mouth, esophagus, and stomach into the first part of the small intestine. Then a catheter goes into the bile duct to detect causes for high liver enzymes (all non-alcoholic related), severe abdominal pain and jaundice. The doctor injects a dye so that x-rays can be taken of the biliary ducts. I’ve provided an image below if you’re interested. 

Image result for bile duct and liver anatomy

Surprisingly, the doctor (a bile duct expert) couldn’t get the instrument all the way down, in fact, barely down at all because my common bile duct is so scarred. I’ll spare the gory details, but long story short, it was incomplete. This means I have to repeat it next month. Honestly, when he spoke to my husband and I after I had been in recovery and I found this out, I felt depressed. I felt my shoulders drop, knowing, first of all, that I still have no answers, secondly, he still can’t rule out some scary diseases (one of which my daughter has), and thirdly, I have to do this procedure again. 

Everyone was so nice, though, and I’m grateful for an awesome team of doctors – doctors who we know because of our daughter’s experiences. And my doctor was genuinely disappointed with the turnout. But he’s also performed enough of these that he knew when to stop trying before causing complications. I thank him for that.

So, the symptoms I’ve had can be caused by gallstones in the bile duct (gallbladder is out), Primary Schlerosing Cholangitis (PSC, the auto immune disease my daughter has), or Bile Duct Cancer. I admit to being scared and have had some emotional moments. I hope it’s just stones, which are dangerous alone. Any of these causes affect the liver because if bile isn’t taken from the liver through the bile duct into the small intestine, the liver then becomes “sick” and begins to fail. Liver failure is fatal. For PSC, the only cure is a liver transplant, which is what we’re anticipating for our daughter in the future – a future that holds so many uncertainties. 

So why I am blogging about this? I don’t know. Maybe part is to bring awareness to the bile duct and how rare some medical issues can be involving it. Until our daughter was diagnosed, I didn’t give the bile duct a second thought. Nor my liver because I’ve never been a big drinker. This whole thing has been surreal – the fact that I’m experiencing everything similar to my daughter’s symptoms. She doesn’t drink alcohol at all, so it’s just an auto-immune disease that chose her. Ask anyone who knows me..I’m a lightweight when it comes to drinking. So, it’s all a case of being unlucky just like those who are diagnosed with cancer or some other horrible disease.

The upside to sharing what I’ve been undergoing is that in spite of the continued anticipation, the unpleasantries of another ERCP, or fear of the unknown and known, for that matter, life goes on. I feel better physically, although my throat still hurts, but it’s better than yesterday and the day before that. My mindset is healthier, and that doesn’t mean I’m not realistic either. The outcome will be good news or it will be daunting news. Regardless, I want answers. I want to know what’s going on inside me. However, I’m not trying to burden you by posting about this. Maybe what I’m going through will resonate with someone and be of some help even in a small way.

Selfishly, though, I ask for your ongoing positive thoughts and prayers. And I thank you for reading this longer-than-planned post. 🙂

Image result for moving forward

Moving forward with hope in my heart and love for my family and friends who have provided tremendous support. Lauren xoxo
p.s. The title of this post is credited to my son.
p.s.s. Both images are from Google.

Refresh Button

copper in the fall

As summer bids farewell for yet another year, Autumn prepares for her entrance, and doesn’t she look lovely! With season changes, I’m often compelled to reorganize and do some fall cleaning. So, to begin with, I rearranged the furniture in our living room, something that has become an annual tradition and a way of inviting new perspectives wherever we choose to sit…

Maybe now we have the chance to watch the sunrise out of the big window while sipping our cuppa tea or coffee. Or we have a better view of a roaring fire when winter drops in for an extended stay and hot chocolate is on its way. Or the opportunity is more fitting to sit closer to someone we love for a treasured, intimate conversation.

Whatever the benefit, there is something about this change that offers a newness, a revitalizing start as we near the ending of 2018. I also love the coziness of this season – the warm hues, and the spicy aromas in the kitchen. I’ve already bought ingredients to begin pumpkin bread baking – one of my holiday baking traditions that everyone loves. So you see, this simple switch is like clicking on the refresh button on life. Even a small change can add a pinch of extra spice to this time of year.

May this season of Autumn bring a refreshing newness to your life, as well.
P.S. Copper sends his autumn wishes, too, (with lots of kisses).
This photo was taken by my daughter. ❤🍁🍂🍁🍂🍁❤

Still

Love runs
more deeply now
Still, after years
since the sky
darkened –
the stars
stayed hidden
as the despair
was unbearable
for the heart breaks
each time the mind
strays from reality

Lauren Scott © 2018

Rolling Waves

north of bodega bay by Matthew 2018

Looking into the future
it is a vast horizon –
one of hesitation
and reservation
yet, also
one of beauty
and excitement
It is an ocean
of varied emotions
like the rolling waves
with their uncertainty
as they commingle
with the mystery
among them –
and others 
causing me
to catch my breath
while watching
the presentation 
of a spectacular sunset
Whether joyful
or distressed,
the future requires
careful navigation
so that this moment,
this very moment
doesn’t escape
without being noticed

Lauren Scott © 2018
Photo: Taken by my husband,
north of Bodega Bay

on a motorcycle ride

Anticipation

The day is approaching
when I’ll be left
standing on the sidewalk
watching your car
become smaller and smaller
as the distance between us
grows wider

Your dream has been patient
for a lifetime, it seems
It’s been eager to be set free
So I’m glad the time has come
for you to chase it

When you reach that state,
Capture it, Hold it tightly
as if it’s a new puppy
wiggling excitedly
to jump out of your arms
Feel the joy I feel for you –
know how proud I am

Oh, yes, I’ll shed
a few…
in fact, the rain
may linger
for a day or two

But remember
to live your dream
knowing my love for you
stays in your heart
wherever you may travel

Lauren Scott © 2018
(To my daughter) ❤